Carmen is the sexiest woman ever. One night, she sat on my lap and let me motorboat her breasts. My face was buried in her bosom, I was in Cloud 9! Her chesticles were so pillowy, I could just lay my head and sleep on those air bags. I was so turned on, I wet my pants.
No, I didn’t take a leak! I was leaking pre-ejaculate fluid. It’s like my dick was crying tears of joy from pure arousal. When she was giving my package the ol’ rub-a-dub-dub, I was salivating in the mouth and salivating in the dick – pre-come was flowing out of me like beer from the tap of an Irish pub.
Then she started grinding up on me, and that was it! Full waterworks in my pants. Pampers Pull-ups, put it on me! My penis was so wet it needed to be potty-trained. I was just awash with pre-come, I needed more Depends than Hugh Hefner.
All that pre-ejaculate wet the front of my pants. I had a huge wet spot on my crotch shaped like the Target logo. Why did I have to wear light jeans today?! Guys, this is why you should wear John Varvatos black denim – to camouflage pre-come stains.
When she saw the wet spot, she shrieked, “You peed!” No, baby love. It’s not piss, its pre-come. She gets off my lap, whining, “Ew, gross.”
Excuse you. Pre-come is not gross, it’s free lube. But Carmen was pissed, thinking I took a piss. So she pissed off and left with a scoff.
Women, let’s set this straight. When a grown man is aroused and there’s a stain on his pants, it’s not urine – it’s pre-ejaculate. It just means a guy is turned on. Matter of fact, for some women, precome IS a turn-on. I dated this girl who prefers the consistency of pre-come to actual ejaculate. She says it’s smoother (because of the absence of sperm?) and the taste is, well, not better per se, but more “tolerable.” Now there’s a woman who knows piss from pre-come.
Sex Rule # 39
Ladies, a man’s pre-come is not gross,
It’s a natural lubricant, that’s just how sex goes.
Don’t get pissed, pre-come isn’t urine,
It’s pre-ejaculate – I swear, I’m not peeing!
It’s not disgusting, so don’t be livid,
It’s just harmless pre-seminal fluid.
Nature’s way of prepping, free Astroglide!
So men can just slip it in, and slide.
one night stand diaries 