How to make a SMALL penis FEEL LONGER during sex (Positions and Tricks for small dicks!)

An excerpt from “Lessons in Lovemaking: The Novel”  – available on Amazon here.

When Jonas’s pants hit the floor, so does my jaw. I’m completely floored. His tall height would indicate his manhood would be just as lengthy. But, no. He’s barely the size of a carrot— not even a regular carrot, but a baby carrot, the kind they serve in vegetarian party trays. It’s so small, it’s bite-sized. I want to dip his penis in hummus like a healthy pre-dinner snack.

What happened? His manhood used to be longer when he was skinny. We all saw his wang through his basketball shorts back in gym class. Now I can hardly see his member, especially when it’s obscured by that lifesaver of lard around his stomach. He even has to lift his fanny-pack of fat hanging over his manhood just to jerk himself stiff. On one hand, he’s holding up his fat rolls, and on the other hand, he’s masturbating his now-overweight penis.

Is that how it is? When a man grows a pot belly, he gets a smaller willy? There goes Sex Rule Number 38. It’s not that the penis shrinks with weight gain, though. A penis can’t shrink, it’s more of an optical illusion. The accumulation of fat at the base makes the shaft look shorter than it is. If Jonas loses weight, he’d probably gain half an inch in all the right places.

In defense of his dick, Jonas says, “I’m a grower, not a shower.”

A grower? Like an horticulturalist? How nice, but now’s not the time to tell me about your gardening hobby.

Jonas explains that a “grower” means his penis may be tiny when flaccid, but it grows substantially when erect— up to five inches with the right oral treatment.

Nice ploy to get me down on my knees. On second thought, he’s the perfect size for oral, what with being a mini pocket rocket. But his carrot cock feels awkward in my mouth. It feels like I’m sucking on a toe. That’s what his penis looks like anyway, a big thumbs-up. His member should be called Ebert or Roeper.

So I try a hand job instead. Sex Rule Number 39: 

If you can’t orally blow 

A shaft as small as a toe, 

Don’t be stumped,

Just pump his stump. 

But his manhood is so vertically-challenged, his member barely has a shaft. It just goes from balls to head as if the fat pad on the base ate up all the shaft. How do I pump it in my hand? Should I just thumb-wrestle it?

Jonas enters me. I think I can feel the head of it. Wait, is that the shaft now? Is it halfway in? I don’t know! Is my vagine high on morphine? Because I can’t feel him at all. Why is my vagina numb?

I look down. Oh, I see the problem now. I’m not numb, he’s just too short. But it’s not because he’s too small for me to feel it. It’s because he’s too short to stay inside me. Whenever Jonas withdraws to gear up for the next thrust, he keeps slipping out. How do we have sex if he’s not even long enough to stay in long enough?

I try to squeeze my pelvic muscles just to keep him inside. I tell my vagina to cling to his ding-a-ling with Kegel contractions. But he slips out yet again. I’m not giving up, though. Maybe it’s the position. What if we switch to doggy-style? And when Jonas enters from behind, I swear, I feel him deeper. In doggy position, he no longer feels like a carrot, more like a parsnip. Sex Rule Number 40:

Don’t do it missionary, 

With a man who’s chubby. 

If he’s a shorty, 

Do it doggy.

 

For more Rules of Sex and entertaining sex stories, read “Lessons in Lovemaking” – available on Amazon here.